Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
