Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
