I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
