are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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