she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
