Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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