okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
