I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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