I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
