hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
