I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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