Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
