Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
