So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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