I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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