you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
