My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
