and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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