The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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