Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
