There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
