i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize