One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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