I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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