I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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