Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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