Tell her she can't have a vagina
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
