I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dicks are not precious.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
