Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
