I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
