you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
