dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
