I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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