this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
