she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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