I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
