It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
