Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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