I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am spending my child support on dildos
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
