look no pants
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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