Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
