i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
