i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
