Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Why are your pants in the freezer?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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