we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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