I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
