it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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