remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
