actually, I'm a sock model
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
