I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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