shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sober January is a disaster.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I will pee on everything he values.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
