I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize