She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
