I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
