Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
