I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
