I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
