I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
