so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
