somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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