I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
