Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
