do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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