You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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