you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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